If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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