its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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