i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Barsexuality is the new black.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's never too late to be topless.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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