I hope mine doesn't look like that
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
where are you?
Hypothermia
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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