Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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