When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
