Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
