We won't sleep together?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
