I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
