Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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