No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
