I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
