how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
