Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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