you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
