I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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