I met the friendliest cop last night
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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