My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
