He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
