He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
