I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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