I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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