i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
