Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
