is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
