I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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