Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Say something about gay babies.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
