Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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