singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
