Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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