Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
