also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Found the puke drawer
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i think my cat just said my name.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
