i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
