I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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