U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
