i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
