you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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