I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
