if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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