k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
