she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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