I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
