I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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