Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
