So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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