hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am puke
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
