at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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