i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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