so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
