I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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