we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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