And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
