God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
