I got chris browned last night
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
