i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
