your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
